– St. Cyril of Alexandria
On August 3, 1946 at St. George Catholic Church in Lisbon, OH, my mother, Mary Jane Divita (Jones), married David William Jones. My father died in 1986, after 40 years of marriage to her. He told Mom that she would have to enter the “promised land” alone. However, the spirit of their fidelity, loyalty, commitment, and sacrifice was unprecedented.
During 2012, we offered Pre-Cana classes here at St. Joseph Parish on 3 occasions. On January 28, we had 77 couples come to us. On April 28, 57 couples were in attendance. On August 25, there were 54 couples. A total of 188 couples have been prepared for the "largest step" in their lives. All other commitments pale to this.
Joshua, the successor of Moses and the leader of the Israelite people set a challenge before them. To decide today whether or not to serve the true God. He drew the line in the sand in this defining statement as he invited the people to promise fidelity to God: “As for me and my house (family), we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15).
Joshua says that we can choose the gods of our ancestors, who worshiped in Mesopotamia and in Egypt, or the gods of the Canaanites, or the gods of the Amorites. But there comes a point in time when we must make a choice, and hopefully a positive choice, that will effect generations to come by our pledged fidelity to a God who gave us life.
The greatest sin of the Old Testament is idolatry, the preeminent sin of the entire Bible. It distorts our thinking, making us believe that we can live without God. As we know, after the time of Joshua, the Israelites ultimately self-destructed through their bad choices. So too, our choices define us. Our choices can make us healthy or sick, free or in bondage, life-giving or death-dealing, holy or sinful.
We are responsible for our virtues and our vices. If we choose to wallow in bad habits and blame it on genetics or upbringing, or our rotten luck, then it is not good news. But if we embrace the freedom that we are offered and accept responsibility for our actions, then it is good news. Indeed, we can grow, we can learn, we can change. It’s our choice and it’s never too late. God doesn’t give up on any of us!
It is promising and exciting that the Church renews itself in every generation to grow in faith and love. A wise woman once said to her husband, “I didn’t marry you because you were perfect, I married you because you gave me a promise before God and that promise made up for your faults. The promise I gave you made up for mine.” It is two imperfect people who get married. It is the promise made to each other that makes the marriage work, as it is a covenant made with God, who gives it strength to endure.
Married life, like any life has its ups and downs, its joys and sorrows, its successes and failures. But, when we receive unconditional love and fidelity from our spouse, it’s a taste of God’s love for us. And when we give unconditional love and fidelity to our spouse, we become a sign of God’s love for others.
During Jesus’ time, the Jewish ideal of marriage was the highest imaginable. The Talmud comments, “The very altar sheds tears when a man divorces the wife of his youth.” In those times, divorce was easy to attain. One school of law held that even the spilling of a dish of food was grounds for divorce, talking to a strange man, criticizing in-laws, or even speaking too loudly. Through a written bill of divorce, it was easy to dismiss the relationship. But Jesus reaffirmed the original state and stated God’s idea of man, woman, and marriage were to be forever for life.
The Lord's relationship with Israel is often referred to as a marriage covenant. God is wedded to His people and forever faithful. Just as a couple promises to love each other for better or worse, through the plusses and minuses of life, so too, our God promises to love us in good times when we love, honor, and obey Him, but also in bad when we fail to return God’s love. Fidelity is a promise of loyalty, which is steadfast in the face of hardship, temptation, boredom, and tragedy, or whatever else a couple may be asked to face over the course of a lifetime.
Jesus said in John 15:13, “There is no greater love than to lay down your life for a friend.” Thus, he revealed that those who enter marriage must grow to a level of love that is ready for sacrifice - a truly self-giving love, not one that is intent on gratification; not a love that is subject to whims and impulse, but a love that is firmly established and endures. We do not marry angels, saints, or gods, but human beings with fears, temptations, hopes, desires, longings, and dreams. Let’s be honest. Love can turn to hatred, joys can turn to sorrows and marriages can turn to divorce. When the forces that divide us are stronger than the forces that unite us, it empties into the pain and sting of separation.
Joshua asked the Israelites where their loyalty and allegiance lies. Saint Paul encouraged husband and wife to support and build one another up. Jesus asked the Twelve a heart-breaking and heart-wrenching question, “Do you also want to leave?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You alone have the words of eternal life” (John 6:67-68). Jesus loves us so much that he respects our freedom. We can choose wisely or foolishly. We can live well or live stupidly. The covenant of God leads to wisdom, joy, light and life. The way of evil leads to foolishness, suffering, darkness, and death. Let us live our calling of our vocation of love to bless present and future generations to come.
