“Life for me means Christ: death is as a prize to be won.” —Phil 1:21
God called, and Mom was ready!
My homiletics’ professor, Fr. Thomas J. Byrd at Mt. St. Mary Seminary in Emmitsburg, MD told us that we have 7 minutes to make people laugh, cry and feel religious. The more that we do that, the more God’s grace will touch His people. My other homiletics’ professor was my Mom! She would always say:
“Do not be too loud.” (Tone it down but light a fire!)” She was a gentile person—never boisterous or loud. Fr. Paul Zywan, whose mom lived at the Home, remarked that his mom loved being with mine because she was serene, silent and peaceful.
“Do not grow lazy!” (Heb 6:12) Laziness was never in Mom’s vocabulary. To be lazy is to be a loser. Mom wanted new stuff… new material. She would say, “Do your homework!” She reminded us that our work is important and meaningful. And the truth is God: “will not forget your work, and the love you have shown Him by your service, past and present, to His holy people.” (Heb 6:10) In case we ever wonder if our work will ever amount to much, remember the Beatitude: “Our reward will be great in heaven.” (Matt 5:12)
“Do not be too lengthy or people will get bored!” Her entire life was a silent witness to the Gospel. My parents were the best version of the Old Testament and the New Testament I’ve ever read in my life, which was traced by their very own lives.
In the Book of Isaiah, the Prophet says, “I have called you each by name.” (Is 43:1) and also, “I have written your name in the palm of my hand.” (Is 49:16) It’s comforting to know that God knows us by name. In 1863, Sarah Carter (American Author), assigned first names to flowers. Every person, like every flower, is uniquely made and loved by God. St. Francis saw the beauty of God in nature and he had a joyful and grateful love of flowers. Strolling around the Home with Mom, I enjoyed a plaque that read, “Friends are like flowers in the garden of life.”
The name Mary Jane means “Apple blossom – peaceful, fame goodness.” That captures Mom’s essence. Growing up, I remember an apple tree that grew in our backyard. (That seems so fitting. A tree is known by its fruit.) We all have our own beautiful “Mary Jane stories” and happy memories. Mom had various names: Fr. Victor Rocha affectionately called her, M-a-d-e-e, and others: Mari-ooch - (Italian), Grandma, Sis, Mother, Mother-Butter (spreading love over us), Jane, (Dad called her this), Honeybunch and Mrs. Jones. Whatever name you called Mom, she was always blessed to know you. As much as you respected her, she respected you, doubly.
On behalf of my natural family, my extended family, and my faith family at St. Joseph, I welcome you to this Christian celebration of burial and thanksgiving for the life of our mother, Mary Jane Jones.
Whether you’ve traveled across the McKees Rocks Bridge (the longest bridge in Pittsburgh), or trudged through a snowstorm, through 15 inches of freshly fallen snow, while sitting on Route 77 in VA and WV like my brother Dan, his wife Kelly, and three children; whether you came from across town, or you live close by; whether you came from our old stomping grounds on Allender Ave in Greentree, where we grew up, or traversed many states to get here; whether you’re a family member or friend of the family; whether you are a neighbor or a parishioner; whether you’re a familiar face or a complete stranger; whether you are religious, or lay; whether you are Catholic or another religious affiliation; whether you are a long-time companion or a relatively new one; whether you are here with us in personal presence or praying with us through a spiritual connection; whether you’re listening here in this church or tuning in on the internet; whether you’ve come from the Seminary or a Senior Home; whether you’ve come from the Keystone State of PA or the Buckeye State of OH, Mom’s home town; whether you’re from the Garden State of NJ or Sunshine State of FL; whether you’re military personnel (like Mom—a Wave in the Navy, where our parents met), or a civilian; whether you’re sitting or you’re standing; whether you parachuted in or will sky-rocket out; whether you traveled here by airplane or by car; whether you came alone or whether you came with a group; whether you’re young or old; whether you’re hitting the stride of life or hitting the ‘speed bumps’ of life’s difficulties; whether you’re refreshed or tired; whether you’re rejoicing or sorrowful; whether your faith is alive and active or whether it is fading and floundering: We are humbled, grateful, and honored that you have journeyed today to be here, to celebrate Mom’s new life in the risen Christ!
In just one month they lost two ‘Jones residents’ on the Our Lady of Perpetual Help” wing at the Home. Both had been there for over 8 years. Paul Jones (95) died on December 15, 2012, and Mom died on January 11, 2013. Paul was no blood relation to our family, but Mom and he were bonded as kindred souls, fused by kindness.
“We walk by faith, not by sight.” (2 Cor 5:7) and Mom would never want us to lose sight of the faith she gave us. Today’s Christian liturgy of Thanksgiving is abundant with signs and symbols. It’s expression is abundant through the signs and symbols: the Pall (draped over the casket by her children), the Bible (that was read, daily in our family home), the Crucifix (given by the Copeland Funeral Directors), is a replica of the Crosier, used by Blessed Pope John Paul II. This pope and my parents both embraced the affliction of Parkinson’s Disease. Through this liturgy, may you experience the sights, the sounds, the smells and the sacredness of God’s amazing grace.
Fr. Gerry Dixon, a priest of our diocese has lived for 17 years at the Little Sisters of the Poor. For 16 years, he has served as Chaplain there. Since 1974, he has had a passionate hobby for crafting grandfather clocks. He’s made 61 of them and raffled 3 or 4 off to raise money for the home. Each brought in $9,000-$10,000 for the Little Sisters.
He remarked at the funeral visitation at the Little Sisters Home, where Mom was laid out, “Rich, the only good thing about this is that you don’t have to go through it again.”
The ancient Greeks had 2 words for time: Chronos and Kairos. Chronos means “time in a quantitative sense.” It’s the kind of time we can count and divide into minutes, days and years. It’s the kind of time we can calculate on our clocks and wristwatches, the kind we measure on our calendars and planners.
This kind of time we’re most familiar with – it’s the kind of time that’s always running out. The American Poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1897-1882) wrote, “What is time. The shadow on the dial, the striking of the clock, the running of the sand, day and night, summer and winter, months, years, centuries-these are but arbitrary and outward signs, the measure of time, but not time itself.” Time is the life of a soul. Kairos – “time in a qualitative sense”, not the kind the clock and calendar measure. Actually this time can’t be measured at all.
It’s the time that is characterized by what happens in us at its appropriateness. For instance, it’s when we realize: “It’s time to grow up.” “It’s time to be more responsible.” “It’s time to apologize and forgive.” “It’s a time to let go and move on.”
As a priest, people ask, “Do you have time to hear my story? My problem? My confession? To visit my loved one? To say a prayer for my family?” People will say, “Father, I don’t mean to bother you.” I remind them that I was ordained to be ‘bothered’ and to share the burdens of my brothers and sisters in Christ, by carrying the dying and rising, the Cross and Resurrection of walking the Paschal path daily, in union with Christ.
Time is at a premium in most peoples’ lives in a world that runs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. We often seem to be in short supply, with never enough time. Our days are too busy, our nights are too full, and we fail to slow down and take a rest. The psalmist says in Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.” In our bathroom at home, Mom had a plaque on the wall that was entitled, “TAKE TIME” (Author, anonymous). We not only washed and cleansed our bodies, but we renew our spirits. Let us ponder the words of that plaque:
TAKE TIME to think; it is the source of power.
TAKE TIME to read; it is the foundation of wisdom.
TAKE TIME to play; it is the secret to staying young.
TAKE TIME to be quiet; it is the moment to seek God.
TAKE TIME to be aware; it is the opportunity to help others. TAKE TIME to love and be loved; it is God’s greatest gift. TAKE TIME to laugh; it is the music of the soul.
TAKE TIME to be friendly; it is the road to happiness.
TAKE TIME to dream; it is what the future is made of.
TAKE TIME to pray; it is the greatest power on earth.
On my days off, I always went to Mom’s house. She would say, “My time is yours. My calendar is free for you!” Mom always knew what we needed at the time we needed it. She always gave you her time with a listening ear. Whether it was a phone call, offered with unconditional love; whether it was a healing of our broken heart; whether it was a smile to wipe away our hurt; whether it was a kiss to say, “I’m with you and I understand”.
The last few years of her life, Mom loved to clasp my hands, raise them to her face and kiss my fingers. Mom’s gestures of love always came at the right time. She knew when to be silent and when to speak. She knew when to wait and when to let go. She knew when to pray and when to be patient. She knew when to ask for help and when not to bother us when we were studying. She knew when to ring the bell for a meal and she knew that, when the bells at church rang, of their importance. Blessed Pope John Paul II wrote: “Do not be afraid to give your time to Christ! Time give to Christ is never lost time, but is time gained, so that our relationships and indeed our whole life may become more profoundly human.”
On New Year’s Eve I traveled with my sister Karen (who lives in Charleston, SC), to Salem, OH to pick up Mom’s sister, and my godmother, Aunt Jo. It was a treasured time as the two sisters clasped hands at the Home. I anointed Mom with the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick. Aunt Jo, a nurse of 40 years both in the Navy and at Salem Community Hospital, reminded us of the words of Ecclesiastes : “There’s a time to be born, and a time to die.”
As a mid-wife, Aunt Jo, stood at the birth of countless lives of new children coming into the world. That night, she sat there with her sister who was leaving the world and said, “It’s Mary’s time. It’s okay. God provides for us all.” Aunt Jo recounted that she knew it was time to retire from nursing when she would deliver 5 lb babies, and had 10 lbs of paperwork!
Every season, every day has its own grace, gifts and beauty. The passing of time as we grow and mature and the sufferings we meet along the way are great teachers. In the words of the poet Ernest Hemmingway (1889-1961), American Author and Journalist, “The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”
Suffering is hard to accept. We want to flee and are inclined to protest it, but suffering is the great equalizer of life. It is a mystery that comes to all. Whether a loss of a job, broken heart or physical illness, we all experience suffering. It’s part of life and part of being human. Jesus embraced it and teaches us to do the same.
When Mom entered the Little Sisters of the Poor, over 8 years ago, I vividly recall Sr. Elizabeth, during the interviewing process. I knew that everything this Home offered would be in keeping with Mom’s values and beliefs. On the Home’s questionnaire, there was a question that asked, “What are your 2 greatest accomplishments in life?” Mom’s answers were simple:
#1 - to be a mother of 7 children: Seven is the perfect Hebrew number, a sign of perfection, wholeness, harmony, unity. It was replicated again with her 7 grandchildren who will each read a petition at Grandma’s funeral.
#2 – to teach 7 year olds (2nd graders): Prepare them for the Sacrament of First Reconciliation and First Communion. Mom was not only concerned about her children’s growth in faith, but other family’s children as well. The most powerful way to teach young people that God is an ‘Ultimate’ reality in life, is by having a spirituality that is alive ourselves.
Children need to see that God, and time for God are significantly revered by adults in their life. Mom always wanted us to know and be ourselves. She kept the ‘child’ alive within her.
The ‘school of Nazareth’ is the school of our home, where we learned life’s greatest lessons. We learned respect, forgiveness, mutual help, humility, graciousness, kindness, truthfulness, gentleness, sacrifice, commitment and prayer. She was a respecter of persons, feelings, and futures.
Humble yourself lovingly before God and before others, because God speaks to the lowly. The more He humbles you, the more He will exalt you.
In Mom’s home at the Little Sisters, was a plaque of The Beatitudes. They were the summary of her life. She embodied and incarnated them. Mom was poor in spirit, with an emptiness that could only be filled with God’s presence. She yearned to be closer to God.
Mom cultivated empathy for others, who were hurting along the path. She shared her time, her energy, her presence, her faith and her love.
She was meek. She served with both strength and gentleness; with wisdom and grace, to accept blame and to give away credit.
Mom was pure of heart. She was motivated first, to serve and then to lead.
Mom sought to be an active peace-maker. She sought to live at peace with God, herself, and others.
Mom hated bills and sins and tried to get them out of the house and heart as quickly as possible.
Blessed are those who are persecuted. No one can be a holy parent without great persecution. She faced criticism, opposition, rejection and persecution with courage and grace. Mom was the embodiment of The Beatitudes, in which Jesus invites us to discipleship through His Great Invitation to “Come and follow Him”.
Jesus instructs us with His Sermon on the Mount, and He inspires us through His Passion, Death and Resurrection.
One of my favorite classes in the Seminary was taught by Fr. Bill Fay entitled, “The Passion Resurrection.” He taught us that you can only die so many times in life. There can only be so many ‘Good Fridays’. We must rise because Christ rose, and Easter celebrates this new life.
St. Thomas Aquinas suggests that God influences us with love, truth and beauty. God invites, influences and inspires us with unconditional love, everlasting truth and overwhelming beauty.
Love: God loves us as a parent, who will always be there for us. “The world and everything in it, that people desire is passing away; he who does the will of God will live forever. “ (1 John 2:17) Our society expounds external rewards, not eternal ones.
Truth: God enlightens us with unconventional wisdom. Mom lived truthful ways. “Nothing makes me happier, than to hear that my children live on in truth.” (3 John 1:4) There is so much truth to learning about life, God, others and ourselves.
Beauty: God awes us with the splendors of Creation. Mom wanted us to believe in ourselves, believe in others, and help others to believe in themselves through right relationships and virtuous living. “Christ has made my soul beautiful with the jewels of grace and virtue. I belong to Him whom the angels serve.” (St. Agnes)
Mom had a resilient faith. Nothing could keep her down. Her faith was the source of her strength, her love, her truthfulness and her beauty. I would often tell Mom, “Mom, I could eat you up!”
One Advent, she asked if I would do her a favor – to give a retreat at the Little Sisters of the Poor to the residents. So I stayed there at the Home for a week to experience the ebb and the flow of their daily life. It was a grace-filled time, and most rewarding to offer that Mission to the residents and Sisters.
Chris, a nurse at the Home said, “Your mom loved to go to Seven Springs each July to be with her family and to celebrate her birthday.” She recounted how Mom had her bags packed to go two weeks before, and said, “She was ready!” Yes, Mom’s bags were packed for God’s Kingdom. In many convincing ways, she let us know, it was time to go. And that’s ok.
I recall coming to Pittsburgh International Airport once, in November. There I found Mom, sitting with the Little Sisters of the Poor at their post, collecting money for the Home. She made countless trips with them to parishes in our diocese. And she loved going with other residents and volunteers on their monthly excursions to different restaurants for lunch. She loved and looked forward to each meal in the Home.
On Thursday, October 25, 2012, seven priests from our diocese prepared their favorite recipe, along with the chefs of the Common Plea restaurant downtown to make a meal at St. Paul Seminary as a fund raiser for the Little Sisters of the Poor called, “Heavenly Feasts”. It was a huge success. There were over 400 people in attendance and it made over $350,000 for the home. Now, Mom shares a meal at the Eternal Banquet in God’s Kingdom. Mom always hungered for Jesus in the Eucharist, and as she was nourished with His Body and Blood, may the Lord now grant her a place at the table in the heavenly Kingdom.
I enjoyed going to the movie theatre at the Home. The last movie Mom and I watched together was a Disney movie called, “Butterball”. It was about dogs. Mom was always petrified of dogs, but she loved the little Shih Tzu, “Joey” who lived at the Little Sisters Home as well as the beautiful blue parakeet in the Community Room, where she often sat.
The late Cardinal Joseph Bernardin, told a story of an old man he met on the grounds of a rest home. The man was sitting by a tree, silently meditating, with his prayer book, as the Cardinal came along. They shared some words for a moment, and the Cardinal then said to him, “I imagine God loves you very much.”
The old man smiled, his eyes glistening and said, “Yes, God’s very fond of me. Just think of the impact this world would have on our life if we actually believed, celebrated and lived daily the awareness that God loves us.”
God is a personal God who is more interested in each of us than we can possibly fathom or imagine. He loves us exceedingly and unconditionally. God’s grace is always around nudging, helping, supporting, and healing. He created us, we are God’s work of art, His masterpiece. Growing up, all my brothers and sisters worked at a nursing home near our home in Greentree - Marian Manor. We all learned early lessons in life that left an impression on us all. These proved beneficial when it was time for Mom to live in such a place.
We learned:
Yes, people in rest homes need us.
They need our conversations.
They need our visits.
They need our touch.
They need to be hugged and embraced.
They need to be respected, listened to and understood.
But most especially, they need to know that they are loved.
For when we are old, we need very little. But we need the very little, very much. May the Lord bless all those who work with the elderly—what a holy calling!
On behalf of my entire family, we resoundingly thank everyone who has accompanied us on our journey with Mom. Her life and ours have been blessed in incredible ways because we walked this journey together and cared for each other.
All my brothers and sisters were given the opportunity, (as hearing is the last sense to go), to say their parting words to Mom through the telephone. Her grandson, Daniel Patrick, who is in 4th grade, serenaded her through the phone, with his clarinet to the tune of “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” Yes, mom was Mary and she is a little lamb—a reminder of her sacrifice and innocence.
I will never forget all the Little Sisters of the Poor around Mom’s bed the night before she died at 9:00 pm. They prayed and sang “Salve Regina” “Memorare” “Our Father”, “Hail Mary”, “Glory Be” “St. Joseph Prayer” and the “St. Jean Jugan” prayer.
As the sisters kept vigil in shifts, Sr. Dorothy remarked, “I can see angels circling her room. It’s a sacred privilege to be with your dear mom at this time. She is in the spiritual birth canal. She’s just not there yet…”
Sr. Grace Marie, born in Hong Kong, a Little Sister for 26 years, relayed a story that transpired on November 22, 2012 Thanksgiving Day this past year. As Mom was patiently waiting for me to arrive at the Home, where over 60 guests and many volunteers gathered for a meal, Sr. Grace Marie said that Mom was clasping and holding the chair next to her so that no one else would sit there.
Mom said, “This is for my Richard. He will be coming …”
I love my Mom, I love my family and friends, I love the Priesthood, I love St. Joe’s Parish, and I love the Penguins. And I think Mom may have had something to do with the end of the lock out, and allowing me to enjoy the Penguins on the day of her burial!
1 John 5:4 states: “Whoever is begotten of God conquers the world. The victory that conquers the world is faith.”
In God’s good time, He takes care of all His children. All I thought I had lost, I found in God’s arms.
Mom loved that she lived in a parish of two of the Apostles – Simon and Jude. She thought that through their intercession, you got double the graces!
So I close with the words from sacred scripture in the next to the last Book of the Bible: Jude, which is only one chapter – verses 20-21, as if they were Mom’s last words to all of us:
“But, you my friends, keep on building yourselves up on your most sacred faith. Pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, and keep yourselves in the love of God, as you wait for our Lord, Jesus Christ, in His mercy to give you eternal life.”
Eternal rest, grant unto Mom, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul, and the souls of all the faithfully departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace, Amen.
