“Never let us fall asleep in a state of sin, lest the prince of wickedness gain power over us and snatch us away from the kingdom of the Lord.” -A Letter attributed to Barnabas
Life is Like the Tide, it Comes in and Washes Away
For over 2 decades, I have had a standing invitation to eat Sunday dinner at longtime neighbor Vince Fera’s family home on Allender Avenue in Greentree. It is always an enjoyable time, and my most recent visit was no exception. They had just arrived back from their traditional yearly vacation in Hilton Head, SC. and were browner than bears! They recounted the events of their trip and the church they visited for Mass, which was Holy Family Church. Before Mass, the congregation prays the Angelus:
V. The angel of the Lord declared unto Mary.
R. And she conceived by the Holy Spirit. Hail Mary…
V. Behold, the handmaid of the Lord.
R. Be it done to me according to your word. Hail Mary…
V. And the word was made flesh.
R. And dwelled among us. Hail Mary…
V. Pray for us, O most holy Mother of God.
R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.
Let us pray: “Pour forth, we beseech you, O Lord, your grace into our hearts; that we, to whom the Incarnation of Christ, your Son, was made known by the message of an angel, may by His passion and cross, be brought to the glory of His resurrection; through the same Christ, our Lord. Amen.”
In addition to the Angelus, the congregation also prayed a prayer for vocations.
Prayer for Vocations:
Praise to you, loving God, for we are always in your hand.
You know us, and so we live. You call us, and so we are your people.
Remember, Lord, your Church. Guide it as it continues in our world the saving work of Jesus, your Son.
Give us more priests and deacons, religious sisters and brothers and lay ministers, who will powerfully proclaim the Gospel in word and deed.
Prepare them to be good and generous servants, so that they may deepen your people’s faith through their ministry. Empower them to be a source of greater hope and love in the Body of Christ.
All glory and honor be yours, Giver of all good gifts,
through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.-Michael Kwatera, O.S.B.
The Fera family was impressed with the two priests who serve that church community, and who were so welcoming to vacationers: the Pastor (who was from the Philippines), Rev. Arturo O. Dalupang and Parochial Vicar, Rev. Jorge Gallo (a Latino priest.) Their homilies were full of sound messages, which were relevant to those in the pew. The family also showed me pictures on their iPad, taken during the vacation. The little ones spent all day building sand castles on the beach, while the older children played paddle ball. They enjoyed dinners in restaurants with a tropical atmosphere, enjoying fresh seafood from the area, and commented that Hilton Head was not over-crowded, for which they were grateful. This yearly tradition forges new and precious memories.
Through all the storytelling and lively exchanges, their 85 year old great aunt, whose name intrigued me, “Rose Abraham,” sat listening. She is visiting the Fera family for the summer from Highpoint, NC, and she remained at home during this vacation. She told me the story of her husband, James who, in 2002, at the age of 78, passed away unexpectedly of a heart attack in the middle of the night. With tears welling up in her eyes and rolling down her face, she said. “It may have been 11 years ago, but Father, it seems like only yesterday to me.” Her story was one of life and death, of faith and hope.
In the midst of our summer plans, events, vacations, activities, and visits, the Scripture readings remind us to be vigilant, alert and prepared, conscious of the brevity of this life. (Luke 12:32-48) Jesus gives us a sobering “wake-up call,” cautioning us to be watchful and ready. Sometimes the routine and the ordinariness of life can dull us into thinking that we will be here forever and no accountability is required. What a fatal mistake that can be!
Whatever God has given and entrusted us with, it is not just for ourselves, but for the extension of the creation of God’s Kingdom in our time and place. Faithful servants will use whatever God has given them to extend His reign of hope, truth, justice, peace and love into the world. In each of our walks of life, God calls us to responsible stewardship based on the duties He’s entrusted us to fulfill, out of love for Him. We are each called to be humble servants and not to lose perspective of the supernatural outlook we all must have. Evil never sleeps. It is always on the prowl. Jesus encourages us to be vigilant, as the enemy never rests!
One must be faithful in small things, or else negligence and carelessness can creep in through the cracks. It is during those ordinary times, that being faithful in the small and everydayness of life, through responsibilities, obligations and duties, that faith is most vital and necessary. A couple rang my doorbell on Saturday morning at 8:00 am. They asked, “Father, where is the Pre-Cana instruction class being held? Where is everyone?” I remarked that they were 3 weeks early, to which the woman replied, “I’m just so excited about my upcoming marriage and can’t wait for the special day to come!” A patient who spent time recently in a hospital told me that she was grateful for the compassion given by a nurse; a Eucharistic Minister, who comes to the tabernacle each Sunday with her pyx, to bring Communion to the shut-ins and homebound, who tells me that she is grateful that God has given her the gift to be able to be present to others in their time of need.
There is an inspirational book entitled, “Every Day Greatness, Insights and Commentary” by Stephen R. Covey, and compiled by David K. Hatch (2006, Rutledge Hill Press). It is made up of 63 inspiring stories and hundreds of quotes about people who make a daily choice to act: the choice of purpose, the choice of principles; to live out their potential for true greatness, despite any challenges they may face. This higher calling to everyday greatness is a way of living and has to do with character and integrity. It’s more about who a person is, rather than what a person has or does.
When I dine at the Fera’s table, I can’t but be reminded of their mother, Deanna, who was called home to God on December 5, 2004. She was always prepared and ready for any situation, even when my dad passed away (February 8, 1986). Despite the 11 inches of snow that had fallen on that morning, she was the first person in church, praying for her neighbor.
Life and death are forever wedded together. May we be humble servants, seeking the good in others, and one day hoping to find our own place of honor at the Master’s Table, the Banquet in the Kingdom of Heaven!
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Praising God in the Skies
“It is better to be satisfied with what you have than to be always wanting something else.” -Ecclesiastes 6:9
Praising God in the Skies
The date July 14, 2013 was circled on my calendar for over a year. Now it has come and gone. It was the special date set aside to give thanks to God for my 25 years in the priesthood. There were 560 people who attended the Mass at Our Lady of Fatima in Hopewell Twp., my first priestly assignment. There were 450 guests who attended the reception at the Fez on Brodhead Rd. There were 110 people who had to be called because they didn’t RSVP to the invitation that was sent to them. (By the way, priests and doctors are the worst offenders!) There were 34 people who said “Yes” but never came.
In a “maybe” world which remains non-committal, human nature can be flimsy and we can easily prefer to stay “on the fence.” In saying “yes” to one thing, we must say “no” to other things. Once one is on the receiving end of a party, it makes one more aware of one’s own commitment when one receives an invitation. In hosting such a gathering, I received an education in human nature. One of the great arts of living is the art of forgetting and moving on - never brooding, fretting or regretting. Life happens! “We may make our plans, but God has the last word.” -Proverbs 16:1
I’d like to share a story about my good friend, Fr. Joe McCaffrey (Fr. Mac), Pastor of SS John and Paul in Wexford. In planning my anniversary Mass, I called to invite him to proclaim the Gospel of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). Like a bride, I held my breath before Mass, awaiting Bishop Zubik’s arrival, which came just 10 minutes before we began. I scanned the area, searching for Fr. Joe’s whereabouts, to no avail. So, I asked Deacon Anthony Giordano to proclaim the Gospel since Fr. Mac was nowhere in sight.
Late that night, upon arriving at the rectory, I noticed that I had several messages which were left on my cell phone from Fr. Mac, who profusely apologized for not showing up. I returned his calls the following day, at which point, he continued to lament and regret his absence. It seems that Fr. Mac (who is also an FBI chaplain), was called to a tragic situation with a family. He ended up being with them for several hours and forgot all about the celebration. I conveyed to him that I fully understood and told him that God put him exactly where he was most needed, to bring light and grace to others who were in darkness and need. He understood what I was saying but continued, “I’ve known you over 30 years. How ironic to miss your party to minister to people I’d only just met? I plan to make it up to you in the best way possible. I’ve decided to give you 25 hours of undivided attention in observance of your 25 years in the priesthood!” We agreed on a mutual 25 hour period of time and circled Friday, July 26 on our calendars.
In today’s fast-paced and hectic world, who will even give you 2 minutes of undivided attention, let alone 25 hours? In a world of so much absence, to receive the gift of time, presence, unconditional positive regard, availability, attentiveness and willingness to be together in friendship is an extravagant present.
July 26 arrived and I journeyed to SS John and Paul Parish in Sewickley to visit Fr. Mac’s beautiful rectory which was nestled among an orchard full of peach and apple trees. He is an avid hunter, and his trophies are mounted on the walls and displayed all around. I always admired his spirit of adventure. As an outdoorsman, he enjoys being one with nature, wildlife, and loves being in the country. Ever since Fr. Mac was young, he enjoyed diverse interests and hobbies such as building model airplanes, constructing houses, racing cars, hiking and archery. He is an excellent mechanic, possessing an understanding the way things work. His curious mind allowed him to be a “fix-it” man, always searching for ways to be helpful, in sharing his gifts to help others. Fr. Mac also has a passion for physics and aviation, and is a pilot. In the seminary the two things Fr. Mac and I had in common were our love for the venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen and his “Hour of Power” and sweets. (There would be no meal without a dessert at our table!)
We left SS John and Paul and drove to the New Castle Airport, where Fr. Mac’s 1973 Cessna, 4 seater, single engine plane sat waiting for us to board. At this point, I wondered if we would spend 25 hours in the air! As he pre-opted the plane to get all things ready, Fr. Mac was serving as pilot and mechanic as well. Each wing of the jet held 30 gallons of leaded fuel, costing $6.50 per gallon. He had a new Garmin GPS situated on the instrument panel, which resembled a GPS system in a car, but was far more complex and diverse.
The plane took off and we were on our way to a new adventure. Fr. Mac’s only desire was to make this journey enjoyable and fun. The higher we climbed in the air, the happier Fr. Mac became. We started out by flying over New Castle, Zelienople and Grove City, climbing to an altitude of 3,000 feet at a speed of 165 knots. Then we flew toward SS John and Paul. We discussed his large parish of 2,700 families, which was ever-growing. He showed me the new housing plan which encompassed the church property, which allowed for 350 new homes. I said, “Joe, you’ve got it all here. I would never leave if I were you. The only place I’d leave it for would be heaven!”
We circled the air space above the church several times before heading south toward Pittsburgh. As we approached the skyline, we could see the Cathedral of Learning, the Convention Center, PNC Park and Heinz Field, as well as the towering UPMC Building in the center of town. Flying away, we headed east toward Latrobe, to view the Steelers in training camp at St. Vincent College. We finally landed at Arnold Palmer Airport. We had lunch at Dinunzio’s as we watched planes taking off and landing. With each plane that landed, Fr. Mac would describe it by name to me. His knowledge of planes is extensive. I was the photographer on the ride, and Fr. Mac made sure I spoke through the microphone on my head set. He constantly told me to speak up as the planes engine eclipsed our voices. By the end of the day, he could hear me loud and clear!
As we made our way back to New Castle, we circled Lake Arthur in Moraine State Park, and saw people fishing, biking, sunbathing and swimming in the lake. During this time, Fr. Mac kept constant contact with the control towers as well as pilots in the air and navigated via the map on his iPad. Since there is no control tower at the New Castle Airport, he joked that landing would be a crapshoot, and hit or miss. But, his take-off’s and landings were perfect! I will never forget us blessing ourselves and reciting the Lord’s Prayer before take off. It reminded me, that if we don’t know what our destination is (heaven), and we’re not people of prayer and faith, we won’t get to our intended destination. St. Joseph of Cupertino and Our Lady of Loreto, Patrons of Aviation, pray for all those who fly the skies. “The Lord has determined our path. How then can anyone understand the direction his own life is taking?”-Proverbs 20:24
The adventure had come to an end, and we enjoyed a delicious dinner at Andora Restaurant in Sewickley. It was a picture-perfect summer day—for flying, for friendship and for great fun!
Praising God in the Skies
The date July 14, 2013 was circled on my calendar for over a year. Now it has come and gone. It was the special date set aside to give thanks to God for my 25 years in the priesthood. There were 560 people who attended the Mass at Our Lady of Fatima in Hopewell Twp., my first priestly assignment. There were 450 guests who attended the reception at the Fez on Brodhead Rd. There were 110 people who had to be called because they didn’t RSVP to the invitation that was sent to them. (By the way, priests and doctors are the worst offenders!) There were 34 people who said “Yes” but never came.
In a “maybe” world which remains non-committal, human nature can be flimsy and we can easily prefer to stay “on the fence.” In saying “yes” to one thing, we must say “no” to other things. Once one is on the receiving end of a party, it makes one more aware of one’s own commitment when one receives an invitation. In hosting such a gathering, I received an education in human nature. One of the great arts of living is the art of forgetting and moving on - never brooding, fretting or regretting. Life happens! “We may make our plans, but God has the last word.” -Proverbs 16:1
I’d like to share a story about my good friend, Fr. Joe McCaffrey (Fr. Mac), Pastor of SS John and Paul in Wexford. In planning my anniversary Mass, I called to invite him to proclaim the Gospel of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). Like a bride, I held my breath before Mass, awaiting Bishop Zubik’s arrival, which came just 10 minutes before we began. I scanned the area, searching for Fr. Joe’s whereabouts, to no avail. So, I asked Deacon Anthony Giordano to proclaim the Gospel since Fr. Mac was nowhere in sight.
Late that night, upon arriving at the rectory, I noticed that I had several messages which were left on my cell phone from Fr. Mac, who profusely apologized for not showing up. I returned his calls the following day, at which point, he continued to lament and regret his absence. It seems that Fr. Mac (who is also an FBI chaplain), was called to a tragic situation with a family. He ended up being with them for several hours and forgot all about the celebration. I conveyed to him that I fully understood and told him that God put him exactly where he was most needed, to bring light and grace to others who were in darkness and need. He understood what I was saying but continued, “I’ve known you over 30 years. How ironic to miss your party to minister to people I’d only just met? I plan to make it up to you in the best way possible. I’ve decided to give you 25 hours of undivided attention in observance of your 25 years in the priesthood!” We agreed on a mutual 25 hour period of time and circled Friday, July 26 on our calendars.
In today’s fast-paced and hectic world, who will even give you 2 minutes of undivided attention, let alone 25 hours? In a world of so much absence, to receive the gift of time, presence, unconditional positive regard, availability, attentiveness and willingness to be together in friendship is an extravagant present.
July 26 arrived and I journeyed to SS John and Paul Parish in Sewickley to visit Fr. Mac’s beautiful rectory which was nestled among an orchard full of peach and apple trees. He is an avid hunter, and his trophies are mounted on the walls and displayed all around. I always admired his spirit of adventure. As an outdoorsman, he enjoys being one with nature, wildlife, and loves being in the country. Ever since Fr. Mac was young, he enjoyed diverse interests and hobbies such as building model airplanes, constructing houses, racing cars, hiking and archery. He is an excellent mechanic, possessing an understanding the way things work. His curious mind allowed him to be a “fix-it” man, always searching for ways to be helpful, in sharing his gifts to help others. Fr. Mac also has a passion for physics and aviation, and is a pilot. In the seminary the two things Fr. Mac and I had in common were our love for the venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen and his “Hour of Power” and sweets. (There would be no meal without a dessert at our table!)
We left SS John and Paul and drove to the New Castle Airport, where Fr. Mac’s 1973 Cessna, 4 seater, single engine plane sat waiting for us to board. At this point, I wondered if we would spend 25 hours in the air! As he pre-opted the plane to get all things ready, Fr. Mac was serving as pilot and mechanic as well. Each wing of the jet held 30 gallons of leaded fuel, costing $6.50 per gallon. He had a new Garmin GPS situated on the instrument panel, which resembled a GPS system in a car, but was far more complex and diverse.
The plane took off and we were on our way to a new adventure. Fr. Mac’s only desire was to make this journey enjoyable and fun. The higher we climbed in the air, the happier Fr. Mac became. We started out by flying over New Castle, Zelienople and Grove City, climbing to an altitude of 3,000 feet at a speed of 165 knots. Then we flew toward SS John and Paul. We discussed his large parish of 2,700 families, which was ever-growing. He showed me the new housing plan which encompassed the church property, which allowed for 350 new homes. I said, “Joe, you’ve got it all here. I would never leave if I were you. The only place I’d leave it for would be heaven!”
We circled the air space above the church several times before heading south toward Pittsburgh. As we approached the skyline, we could see the Cathedral of Learning, the Convention Center, PNC Park and Heinz Field, as well as the towering UPMC Building in the center of town. Flying away, we headed east toward Latrobe, to view the Steelers in training camp at St. Vincent College. We finally landed at Arnold Palmer Airport. We had lunch at Dinunzio’s as we watched planes taking off and landing. With each plane that landed, Fr. Mac would describe it by name to me. His knowledge of planes is extensive. I was the photographer on the ride, and Fr. Mac made sure I spoke through the microphone on my head set. He constantly told me to speak up as the planes engine eclipsed our voices. By the end of the day, he could hear me loud and clear!
As we made our way back to New Castle, we circled Lake Arthur in Moraine State Park, and saw people fishing, biking, sunbathing and swimming in the lake. During this time, Fr. Mac kept constant contact with the control towers as well as pilots in the air and navigated via the map on his iPad. Since there is no control tower at the New Castle Airport, he joked that landing would be a crapshoot, and hit or miss. But, his take-off’s and landings were perfect! I will never forget us blessing ourselves and reciting the Lord’s Prayer before take off. It reminded me, that if we don’t know what our destination is (heaven), and we’re not people of prayer and faith, we won’t get to our intended destination. St. Joseph of Cupertino and Our Lady of Loreto, Patrons of Aviation, pray for all those who fly the skies. “The Lord has determined our path. How then can anyone understand the direction his own life is taking?”-Proverbs 20:24
The adventure had come to an end, and we enjoyed a delicious dinner at Andora Restaurant in Sewickley. It was a picture-perfect summer day—for flying, for friendship and for great fun!
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Good fences… Good neighbors
“Never, as long as you live, give anyone power over you - whether your son, wife, brother, or friend. As long as you have breath in your body, don’t let anyone lead your life for you.” -Sirach 33:19-20
Good fences… Good neighbors
Recently, a priest from the Diocese of Erie greeted me after Mass. He was here people in the area and said how nice it was to be warmly welcomed to church. (You never know who’s in the audience!) We must always to strive to be a place of welcome, hospitality and friendliness. As the TV evangelist, Joel Osteen, in Lakewood Church, Houston, TX says, “If you’re ever in the Houston area, you’re always welcome here. We’ll make you feel right at home!”
Each February, I like to attend the auto show at the David L. Lawrence Convention Center in downtown Pittsburgh. During the 2nd week of January each year, there is a Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, NV. It is amazing to see how many descend on those two shows, from far and wide to check out the newest models and gadgets hitting the market, which promise to enhance and improve the quality of our lives.
The latest technological innovations allow us to manage time more efficiently, maintain a wider circle of connections and help us to stay organized with our planning strategies in our service to others. I’m sure there are many advantageous positives as technology advances, however, there can be minuses that might be sometimes overlooked. When one is “plugged into” the world of electronic media, whether through cell phones, smart phones, iPad, Facebook, Skyping or the internet, it can be possible for family, friends, coworkers, and even employers to reach us at any time of the day or night. This can mistakenly give us the sense that we must always be on duty, constantly being approachable or available to others, causing us to live in the “emergency room” mode. This is not always the best way to operate. When I served as chaplain, I would often say that I must be “off” on my off days, in order to be “on” on those days in which I was working. If I did not hit the “pause button” for down, quiet or Sabbath time, the accelerator of life's pace could easily get me off course.
Perhaps, another down side to being constantly plugged in to electronic media, is that we can become so busy trying to return phone calls, responding to text messages and answering emails, that we can lose focus. This can cause us to become disconnected from those things which are most important, namely, our spiritual, emotional and psychological wellbeing—our relationship with God, family and friends.
If we fail to be aware of what is happening in the deepest core of our being, we can become out of touch with reality, off kilter, agitated or upset. We must have enough rest and recreation, whether it be taking a walk, reading a book, joining friends for dinner, enjoying a sporting event or going to church. These activities exist to re-charge us, providing a reprieve from daily challenges. Without designating a “divine appointment” for contemplative prayer, our endless motion can easily become mechanical, routine, draining, and may even lead to burnout, causing us to resent the task that we are responsible for.
The American poet, Robert Frost (1874-1963), said “Good fences make good neighbors.” Just as we put physical fences around the borders of our properties, which designate our personal space so that areas are not trespassed on or violated, so, too, when we have healthy or personal boundaries, it makes for healthier relationships. These invisible boundaries help us to interact effectively, allowing others to feel safe in connecting with us.
Sometimes boundaries can become blurred if they are not clearly defined. For instance, those with enmeshed boundaries tend to be too close, too needy or too dependent on others. They tend to be very concerned with others’ opinions of them and they compromise their own values to avoid conflict. They readily share personal information and have a difficult time saying “no” to requests made of them. Some people have rigid boundaries. They tend to keep others at arm’s length and rarely share personal information about themselves, talk about their feelings or request help.
It is important that our boundaries remain clearly defined, so that we and others feel safe in knowing there are no violations of personal space or time. Whether professional, pastoral or personal boundaries, they must kept balanced, ensuring our safety and the safety of others. This encourages us to keep balance in our own lives in order to attend to self-care, such as, adequate rest, regular exercise, good eating habits and healthy peer relationships.
One must be in touch with one’s own feelings, limits and weaknesses at all times. These include the emotional, physical and spiritual limits. One must seek the proper support, through trusted friendships, wise counselors, mature mentors and loving family members. It is important that one be cautious of even subtle violations that can build up over time, which can have problematic consequences, even if they don’t cross legal or ethical standards.
Recently, a team of our staff met with Terry O’Rourke Donahue, President of Our Lady of Sacred Heart High School in Moon Twp. to discuss the possibility of hosting our Pre-Cana Instructions at their facility. Pre-Cana is offered 3 times a year at St. Joseph. We serve over 300 couples per year, and have outgrown our current space in which we hold instructions, so we sought to serve the needs of a larger community by forging a healthy relationship with our neighbors. Terry proudly explained the good things happening at OLSH, showing us the theatre which has a capacity of 216, the cafeteria, classrooms and spacious courtyard as well as the Stations of the Cross and the Peace Labyrinth on the campus. We visited the Chapel, where several sisters were in Eucharist Adoration. I remarked that it was like a dream come true, to descend on this holy and special place so that our Pre-Cana couples could leave the demands of everyday life, to enjoy a retreat atmosphere, to reflect seriously and discern prayerfully upon the biggest step of their lives. Jesus says, “For everyone who asks, receives; the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Luke 11:10 Jesus implores us to keep asking, keep knocking, keep seeking, and to never lose heart or hope. As Paul VI said, “To live, it is necessary to pray.”
Good fences… Good neighbors
Recently, a priest from the Diocese of Erie greeted me after Mass. He was here people in the area and said how nice it was to be warmly welcomed to church. (You never know who’s in the audience!) We must always to strive to be a place of welcome, hospitality and friendliness. As the TV evangelist, Joel Osteen, in Lakewood Church, Houston, TX says, “If you’re ever in the Houston area, you’re always welcome here. We’ll make you feel right at home!”
Each February, I like to attend the auto show at the David L. Lawrence Convention Center in downtown Pittsburgh. During the 2nd week of January each year, there is a Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, NV. It is amazing to see how many descend on those two shows, from far and wide to check out the newest models and gadgets hitting the market, which promise to enhance and improve the quality of our lives.
The latest technological innovations allow us to manage time more efficiently, maintain a wider circle of connections and help us to stay organized with our planning strategies in our service to others. I’m sure there are many advantageous positives as technology advances, however, there can be minuses that might be sometimes overlooked. When one is “plugged into” the world of electronic media, whether through cell phones, smart phones, iPad, Facebook, Skyping or the internet, it can be possible for family, friends, coworkers, and even employers to reach us at any time of the day or night. This can mistakenly give us the sense that we must always be on duty, constantly being approachable or available to others, causing us to live in the “emergency room” mode. This is not always the best way to operate. When I served as chaplain, I would often say that I must be “off” on my off days, in order to be “on” on those days in which I was working. If I did not hit the “pause button” for down, quiet or Sabbath time, the accelerator of life's pace could easily get me off course.
Perhaps, another down side to being constantly plugged in to electronic media, is that we can become so busy trying to return phone calls, responding to text messages and answering emails, that we can lose focus. This can cause us to become disconnected from those things which are most important, namely, our spiritual, emotional and psychological wellbeing—our relationship with God, family and friends.
If we fail to be aware of what is happening in the deepest core of our being, we can become out of touch with reality, off kilter, agitated or upset. We must have enough rest and recreation, whether it be taking a walk, reading a book, joining friends for dinner, enjoying a sporting event or going to church. These activities exist to re-charge us, providing a reprieve from daily challenges. Without designating a “divine appointment” for contemplative prayer, our endless motion can easily become mechanical, routine, draining, and may even lead to burnout, causing us to resent the task that we are responsible for.
The American poet, Robert Frost (1874-1963), said “Good fences make good neighbors.” Just as we put physical fences around the borders of our properties, which designate our personal space so that areas are not trespassed on or violated, so, too, when we have healthy or personal boundaries, it makes for healthier relationships. These invisible boundaries help us to interact effectively, allowing others to feel safe in connecting with us.
Sometimes boundaries can become blurred if they are not clearly defined. For instance, those with enmeshed boundaries tend to be too close, too needy or too dependent on others. They tend to be very concerned with others’ opinions of them and they compromise their own values to avoid conflict. They readily share personal information and have a difficult time saying “no” to requests made of them. Some people have rigid boundaries. They tend to keep others at arm’s length and rarely share personal information about themselves, talk about their feelings or request help.
It is important that our boundaries remain clearly defined, so that we and others feel safe in knowing there are no violations of personal space or time. Whether professional, pastoral or personal boundaries, they must kept balanced, ensuring our safety and the safety of others. This encourages us to keep balance in our own lives in order to attend to self-care, such as, adequate rest, regular exercise, good eating habits and healthy peer relationships.
One must be in touch with one’s own feelings, limits and weaknesses at all times. These include the emotional, physical and spiritual limits. One must seek the proper support, through trusted friendships, wise counselors, mature mentors and loving family members. It is important that one be cautious of even subtle violations that can build up over time, which can have problematic consequences, even if they don’t cross legal or ethical standards.
Recently, a team of our staff met with Terry O’Rourke Donahue, President of Our Lady of Sacred Heart High School in Moon Twp. to discuss the possibility of hosting our Pre-Cana Instructions at their facility. Pre-Cana is offered 3 times a year at St. Joseph. We serve over 300 couples per year, and have outgrown our current space in which we hold instructions, so we sought to serve the needs of a larger community by forging a healthy relationship with our neighbors. Terry proudly explained the good things happening at OLSH, showing us the theatre which has a capacity of 216, the cafeteria, classrooms and spacious courtyard as well as the Stations of the Cross and the Peace Labyrinth on the campus. We visited the Chapel, where several sisters were in Eucharist Adoration. I remarked that it was like a dream come true, to descend on this holy and special place so that our Pre-Cana couples could leave the demands of everyday life, to enjoy a retreat atmosphere, to reflect seriously and discern prayerfully upon the biggest step of their lives. Jesus says, “For everyone who asks, receives; the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Luke 11:10 Jesus implores us to keep asking, keep knocking, keep seeking, and to never lose heart or hope. As Paul VI said, “To live, it is necessary to pray.”
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