"See how wicked people think up evil; they plan trouble and practice deception. But in the traps they set for others, they themselves get caught. So they are punished by their own evil and are hurt by their own violence."
In my 23 years as a priest, I have always told my successor in an assignment, “If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to call me. Don’t hesitate to ask!” Because hopefully we leave a place in better shape than we found it. During "transition times" one must die to self and rise to embrace the new mission. I remember a brother-priest calling me several weeks after taking over and saying, “Remember you said if I had any questions ... well, I was just wondering where you left the survival kit for this parish.” After the laughter subsided, I listened to his apprehensions and unrest. I just listened patiently and listened more, and gave him the reassurance that all would be well.
In any transition there is always turbulence and the fear of the unknown. Whether moving to a new town, new job, new school, or embracing a new way of life such as beginning a marriage or facing life without a spouse, transitions are hinges that must connect us to God and each other through trust. Our faith is challenged and strengthened and we must "let go and let God." And then we will grow.
This summer I read a wonderful book entitled "A Survival Guide for Church Ministers" by Fr. William J. Jarema, a priest of the Archdiocese of Kingston, Jamaica, who is also a psychotherapist, spiritual director, international retreat and workshop presenter promoting the healing and development of the whole person — mind, body, heart, soul and spirit. I ordered 10 copies to share with various companions on my journey — bishops, priests, sisters and lay people. In this book Fr. Jarema speaks of seven habits for a highly effective ministry:
1. Prayer-ways and pathways to holiness: feeding a hungry soul.
2. Spiritual companions for traveling along the way: authentic human intimacy.
3. Examination of consciousness: the ability to ponder, introspect and confess.
4. Self-knowledge as the door to holiness: lessons learned or repeated.
5. Being used by God for the sake of another: instigators and mentors for the salvation of souls.
6. Eucharist: the practice of presence and the Body of Christ.
7. Redemptive suffering: finding God in all this mess.
I found this treasure-read a jewel worth sharing, a valuable help in navigating and charting new ways to grow in faith and to deal with interpersonal struggle. For some people, we may walk on water (do no wrong), but for others we tiptoe on egg shells (nothing seems to be right). For some people we turn water into wine, but for others, we just make sour vinegar. Some people sing our praises to the high heavens, and others can only speak of our lowest depths to every corner of the earth. It is important to have good self-care and nurturance in order to serve others well. We must be good stewards of our bodies, minds and spirits. We must row together and not against each other.
Admiral Hyman Rickover, US Navy, wrote, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.” Or said another way, “One reason the dog has so many friends is because he wags his tail instead of his tongue” (anonymous). In this book by Fr. Jarema, a chapter is dedicated to why people gossip and he briefly states that gossip has its origin the following areas:
1. Poor self-esteem: putting another down to make oneself feel lifted up.
2. Comparisons: competing with another to gain a false sense of superiority.
3. Sabotage: destroying another person to avoid the sense of failure we have of our own self.
4. Triangle-communication: avoiding discussion with the person with whom we should really speak by gossiping to a third party.
5. I want to be included: trying to gain a sense of being a part of things by talking about other people‘s affairs.
6. Projection: putting on others what we despise in our self.
7. Pseudo-power: manipulating and deceiving others to believe one‘s perceptions of reality in order to validate a sense of strength and influence.
8. Getting even: revenge is a powerful drug — rationalizing and justifying violent intent through slanderous words — evening the slate to gain an adrenaline surge.
9. Ego-blindness: assuming the negative in the absence of information, instead of waiting for the truth.
In his epistle St. James devotes an entire chapter (Chapter 3) on the dual power of tongue. He says, “No one has been able to tame the tongue. It is evil and uncontrollable, full of deadly poison. We use it to give thanks to the Lord and Father, and also to curse our fellow man who is created in the likeness of God. Words of thanksgiving and cursing pour out of the same mouth. My brothers, this should not happen!” (James 3: 8-10)
Solomon, in Proverbs 6: 16-19, notes that there are seven things that the Lord hates and cannot tolerate: “a proud look, a lying tongue, hands that kill innocent people, a mind that thinks up wicked plans, feet that hurry off to do evil, a witness who tells one lie after another and a person who stirs up trouble among friends.” Solomon goes on to say in 10: 19, “The more you talk, the more likely you are to sin. If you are wise, keep quiet.”
My home-pastor, Fr. Thomas F. Carey (who baptized me, gave me First Reconciliation, First Holy Communion, dressed me as a priest at ordination and died on 9-9-99), was famous for saying: “God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.” Sound wisdom for every age, indeed!
