“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”
—Thomas a Kempis
Have a Love - ly Day!
On Thursday, April 18, 2013, Bishop David A. Zubik convened the Spring Clergy Convocation, which gathers priests and permanent deacons of the Diocese of Pittsburgh for fraternity, education, and prayer. These days always prove to be fruitful, bringing us together with Pittsburgh’s ‘chief shepherd’; allowing us to acquire new ‘roadmaps’ along the journey; share the joys and sorrows in the ministry which we yoke together in serving the Church of Pittsburgh. During the convocation, we enjoy uplifting prayer services which enrich and strengthen spiritual maturity as well as a common meal, where we share brotherhood and communion with one another.
This year the topic was: “Walking into the Light: Realities of the Internet.” The talk was given by Dr. Nancy A. Kluge, a Mental Health therapist and Educational Consultant at St. Luke’s Institute in Suitland, MD. She has a Ph.D in Industrial and Organizational Psychology and her clinical interests are in addictions, sex offender treatment and relapse prevention. She noted 5 main uses of the internet today: Communication, Information, Accessibility, e-Commerce, Social networking, Entertainment.
Dr. Kluge noted that there is an ‘explosion’ of people surfing the internet, which can negatively impact society, social and family relationships, eventually leading to out of control behaviors. The primary consumers of pornography are 12-17 year olds. (It seems as if everybody does it, and we’ve become desensitized to it.)
She spoke about online sexual activity, cyber sex, sexual problems and sexual compulsivity. She noted that sex on the internet is easily accessible, affordable, affording anonymity, fantasy and isolation. This heart-wrenching topic must be faced openly and honestly in a world that bombards us with constant allurement of things of the flesh. “It behooves us to combat the flesh, and make use of it, without pampering it with unlawful gratifications. As to the soul, we must develop her power by faith and knowledge.”
—St. Matthias
We discussed “high-risk factors” that might lead one to embark on this path of darkness:
>Insecure attachments: Possibly resulting from a dysfunctional home life, chaotic family life, where parents were not true care-providers.
>Chronic loneliness: One has no social skills, or has difficulty making friends; Low self-esteem (one feels that they must be loved, tries to keep everybody happy, which is impossible to do.)
>Pastoral co-dependency: One may looks to others for validation. Ministering to those in vulnerable times can make one vulnerable if one does not protect one’s heart, mind and maintain healthy boundaries.
>Righteousness workaholism: Today, there is an expectation that everyone is ‘on - 365 days a year/24 hours a day/7 days a week.’ Here, one can wear out and burn-out bodily, emotionally and spiritually.
>Internalized hostility: One gives so much of oneself, that mounting resentment can build and anger boils over. One feels they must always ‘perform’ and always be ‘on’, one speaks with biting sarcasm.
>Entitlement: This is a ‘life-trap’, where one believes that one is deserving, so one demands and seeks to control, using one’s power in disregard to true service.
>Arrested psycho-sexual development: An under-developed integration of the complete personhood of the image and likeness of God, of which we are created.
>Sexual anorexia: Binging and purging, one delves deeply into the darkness, then sees it as a scourge and seeks to purge it.
>Immature spirituality: Seeing life in terms of black and white; an extremist (all or nothing attitude). One sees Jesus almost as a ‘Santa Claus’ (“If we’re good… if we’re bad…”)
Dr. Kluge encouraged us to have good social support: family, peers, colleagues, friendships, and to develop a mature spirituality, such as reading the Bible and other spiritual materials. This leads to an enriched and fulfilling ministry, where one gives of oneself as an act of love. Sin is injurious to self, God, neighbor and others. It is important to avail oneself regularly to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and to embrace the virtuous life of chastity, obedience, simplicity and holiness.
We shared ways in which to help penitents and those in counseling heal the hurts that pornography inflicts. Like any health issue, prevention is the best medicine: One must ‘nip things in the bud,’ continuing to assess and monitor behaviors, thoughts and actions. It’s imperative that each of us has an accurate read of ourselves in a moderate range, and that we not have too lowly of an estimation or too exaggerated, that we think we are greater than we really are.
Bishop Zubik gave an uplifting reflection at the close of the day. Recently, while celebrating Confirmation at St. Columbkille in Imperial, he ran into a former high school classmate from St. Veronica’s in Ambridge. The two later met for lunch, where they reminisced about their time in high school. They recalled that during their time in school, the Bishop’s friend was ‘beige’; never making a ‘mark’ or applying himself; never reaching goals, whether in academics, sports, clubs, organizations, or friendships. He just sort of ‘was there’. A few weeks before graduation, his teacher, Sr. Marie Albert spoke to him, challenging him: “I pray that you someday get your act together. You have so much untapped potential, but you disregard it. As a matter of justice, God has a dream for you. He created you. He wants you to be the best by reaching your full potential.”
The two continued to reminisce, when the Bishop’s friend said, “You bring honor and dignity to our class and the school.” The Bishop, humble and gracious as usual, feeling that he was on the receiving end of too much unmerited praise, deflected the attention, and inquired of his friend, “What is it that you do now?” His friend remarked, “I am now a Vice President of a bank. Sr. Marie Albert’s words stung me, challenged me, and have remained with me to this day.” “To be perfect in our vocation is nothing else than to fulfill the duties which our state of life obliges us to perform, and to accomplish them well, and only for the honor and love of God.” —St. Francis de Salles
(1567-1622)
“Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 13:34) As a loving leader, Jesus envisions us as being the best person we can be, and we are to encourage others to do the same. So when we say, “Have a loving day!”, are we really up to His challenge? Love demands effort, investment, personal commitment to the will of God. This means discipline and sacrifice, but also ultimately means joy and human fulfillment. Jesus had a dream for a better world and He wanted His followers to participate in a better life. There were no more powerful words spoken before Jesus’ trial and persecution: “Love one another.” These words must be lived daily in our lives.
